Archived Everything From 2002 and added 3 new ramblings to the 2002 archives page that I recently found.

  Added the Reminiscing Section which isn't a section yet as there is only one piece here.  It's a nice little story of my childhood called When You Are Small.

  Ramblings list for the Year 2002 started and more to follow. The links to ramblings from 2001 and the Archive ramblings have recently been added.

  There is rather alot to read here and you may not get through it in one sitting. The more recent postings have red stars by them.

  Archive ramblings: A list of general writings, by title.  Each one is dated on the individual page. They are in no particular order as they don't relate to each other for the most part. They make up the ramblings that were written before the year 2001.

I have all these words
flip flopping around
flying through the air
like birdies in some kind
of badminton tournament
cruising over nets
of metaphor and rhyme
some snagged 
tagged
some smashed and worn
but I keep playing the game
hoping for a new way
to say something real
but the birdies they fly
and truth becomes lies
and the simplicity of it is
that nothing new can be said
from words that are lamed
stepped on and shamed
and my attempts aborted
two, love, contorted
matched and ended
to follow me 
walking away
dead like sparrows
God forgot to catch

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She just keeps dying
again and again
like some part in some play
she plays
and is
as she dies 
reborn
skin pealing back
like new born 
no longer a baby
heart and body strong
but time shifts
and time fades
and time exists
in the mind
and she rises again
ashes to ashes
breath upon flesh
born to die
borne to death
and the real remains
with a few less stains
woman, girl, child
spirit
name
heard
same
only a word
one word
came

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Where is my honesty here?
Are you seeing this?
Do you note the changes
are you aware of the darkness
closing around me?
afraid I may be loosing time
Time that can not be recovered
have I done this before
sacrificed myself for another
denied my heart
because of societal rules
did I not disclose
or feel it could be done later
was there always going to be enough
if I could only wait
and did I?
Wait?
Forever?
Am I waiting still?
was it not me who didn't step forward
but someone else
was I waiting on you to decide
did you never?
was the choice always so hard
did you finally
and then we were robbed
again, and again
all I remember for sure
is the love, the joy
and how I am destroyed

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Ah, Where It Carries

Go beyond the mind, 
the body, 
the emotions, 
the spirit, 
the ego. 

A place the mind can't rationalize, 
the body can't sense, 
our hearts can't feel, 
the spirit can't escape, 
and the ego has no description of self. 

We call it death, (or perhaps God) 
The only way 
we are aware of 
to reach this place. 

To say it is darkness would imply a perception of light. 
To call it a vacuum would imply there is something missing. 
Collectively, the energy can not make decision, 
nor can it differentiate between good and bad. 
Energy has no reference for judgment. 

Judgment and differences are taught by society 
therefore, the fallacy must occur prior to conception 
allowing the energy to be converted 
from fraction of the whole into an individual - a new born entity.
A freakish illusion 
a perception of separation
a being pulled apart from itself.

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The Conversation                 1-20-03

"Well, what kind of man would want to marry me anyway. I mean, look at me, I'm old and I'm fat."

His eyes grew wide as he started to laugh, "And Crazy too." He added.

"That's right," I said, "Old, fat, and crazy. Look at these gray hairs. Is that the kind of ad you would run if you were searching for a wife. Doubtful."

"No, I would want a wife whose hips were wide enough to carry children and whose breasts could feed them. I would love a woman who spent so much time taking care of other people and using her shoulders for friends to cry on that she didn't see the two new gray hairs that came in over night. I would want the woman who told me more with her eyes than her mouth ever could, whose laughter could turn every head in the room. The type of woman who was so beautiful because she didn't realize how beautiful she was to anyone else. I guess that is the kind of woman I would want for my wife."

I was listening. I heard him. How could I not. I was sitting right across from him. Besides, he is a friend. He is supposed to say stuff like this. "Well, that is all peaches and cream, Sweetheart. But where the hell are you gonna find a woman like that!"

He choked on his croissant and blew soda threw his nose. But it served him right. I didn't like his comment about my big hips and saggy boobs anyway.

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Aw, Jesus!
You look like everyone I see
It's in his eyes
It's in her smile
It's the laughter of the child over there
Where have you come from
and why are you here

My cat calls for attention
shedding all over me
the rhythm, the tune
exquisite
Tell me about love
let's talk about me
but more importantly
I want to hear about you

I put my clothes on backward
I'm dropping all I touch
I stumble
and you are always there
catching me before I fall
making me laugh at myself
at this world

There is a beauty around me
I've not known before
and you come before me
like a servant
when I am the one who
should be on their knees
and I have yet to learn.

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Love is:

Gifted 
for 
giving

A
Gift
for 
Giving

It always starts
with one heart
yours or mine
not so hard
to understand

Love is a gift
for giving

Get it?
forgiving

I got it!
It's yours
take what you need
there is plenty
always more
where it comes from

It's a present
a Gift
a Moment
a present gifted moment for giving.

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